Hiaz..just last week i went to watch 10 promises to my dog with Karen. An old friend i haven't seen for quite a while. I really cried non-stop at several parts of the show sia...especially at the part where the dog was dying..T.T...it really reminded me of how my first dog died. The prayers I made and recited for her on her dying bed. I can still remember the look she gave me before she died. Forgiveness. That was all I could see in her eyes. My little doggie who watched me grow up since I was born, is forgiving me of all my past acts towards her.
Maybe I'm thinking too much I guess but ever since then, I didn't really want a dog again. It really made me edge another step further from love. Because everything I love, somehow always leaves me. I guess that's another part of me I learnt today. Every time I get hurt, I edge away from whatever that thing is until I can no longer feel the pain.
I guess that's why whenever people asked me if I felt lonely, all I could ever do is stare at them blankly. Because I never had an answers to such questions. Based on a personality test I took this week during Psych Class, I realized that I actually suck at Intrapersonal skills. (What's that?) It means that I cannot understand myself that well. In a way, I can listen to how others responds but for myself, I ignore my own needs and wants.
Like a mimosa, it retracts inwards each times its touched. I really wonder if I can really change someday and be a better person.
Ah!!! And its so hard to like someone when you keep running away from that person or the person hardly notices you. T.T %**&*##$!
